Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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