with your own penis?
We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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