cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
