he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize