Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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