And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
