Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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