On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
