I'm sorry my penis didn't work
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
