just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
