Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize