My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
