who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
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