Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Randomize
