i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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