I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
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