I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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