I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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