see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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