Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
