so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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