absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I need a beard to bite.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
