Well douche your snatch and let's go!
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Randomize
