He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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