Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
