Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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