whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
