he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
