my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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