That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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