new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
