I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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