Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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