i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
