Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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