i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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