Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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