i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
