1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I take back everything I said about communal showers
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
