just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
