dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
