Sry I called you an 8
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
