She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
