I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
my liver is dry heaving
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Randomize
