We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
