he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
