She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
