Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
