At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
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