My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
He kissed a someone with a penis
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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