my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
