oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
