my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Randomize
