They should really pass out barf bags in church
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize