Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
