there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I just found puke in my bra..
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize