How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
