Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
