gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Randomize
