im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
