Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
