so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Blood and glitter go together right?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
