if i can run in heels then i can drive
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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