The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
