Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
