woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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